I'm Last, I Worry, I'm Sorry, I'm a Bother

I am always putting other peoples needs first, preparing for the next minute,
apologizing because I think I'm a bit of a "bother".  I'm not sure why I am like
this, but it is bothering me immensely. There is so much  would like to
accomplish.  School, my group etc., but I put my needs second to last... and I
haven't quite been able to get ahead. 

So what should I do?
 - Me first... Tell hubby I need a couple of hours to work on my assignments during the
weekend, give him a list to get my s*** done... heaven forbid if I forget his
requests.

 - Live in the now... Stop worrying (so much) about tomorrow.  Like I've got to
get us to save more money... I've got to lose 15lbs... I've got to make sure
Missy Miu has no cavities by the time we get to her first dental appointment. So
I'm changing my thoughts to...
 - take the 407 only twice per week, go to bed earlier and buy two cups of coffee
instead of three, get on my bike two times per week, Have Missy brush her teeth after each meal.

- Stop thinking I'm a nuisance... tone down the pride thing.  I act like I can do
everything on my own and when I need help, I think no one will be there for me.

She's sleeping.. what do I do?

Of course I have been over thinking how to get this started... for like a month.
Then my daughter fell asleep just before we were to head out to an event.  Hubby
said, "I'm going to take a nap."  I thought it would be a great opportunity to
get a head start on laundry and do a detailed grocery list for the rest of the
month. I kid you not.

I looked over at her, saw her sleeping peacefully and decided to do something for
me. I caught up on my course assignments watered my garden (I do love gardening). 

An hour and a half later she was up and I had an amazing day with her. 

Hanging out at the Highland Creek Festival

Sharing our first ice cream cone.

I can honestly say I enjoyed my time with her more because I took care of me.

TIME

Finding time in our day to day lives for a mother is like searching for the Holy Grail, trying to find the Lost City of Atlantis or capturing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…

I think you get my point.

It seems pretty impossible at times. Whether you work outside of the home or you stay at home, the majority of your day is usually spent accomplishing goals other than your own and ensuring that the health and well-being of people other than yourself is well taken care of. By the time you can squeeze out a moment for yourself, you’re usually so tired that your only achievement is brushing your teeth and crawling pitifully into bed.

Okay, that may sound a bit dramatic. But you know what I mean.

Time is fleeting and even more so when you are a mother; when you spend most of the time you have each day caring for other people. You do this without resentment (most of the time) and without expectation of repayment (usually); but it is not always the easiest thing to accept that your time is not your own and not always considered or appreciated.

Not even in the bathroom!

Come on, I can’t be the only one who’s had an audience of at least one precocious preschooler while in the ‘loo’! I hope not, or else I just revealed a tad too much. Ahem…moving on!

While sacrificing personal time is one of the things that makes mothers the subject of many poems and recipients of gratitude in acceptance speeches all over the world; it can be a detriment to our health and happiness. You end up neglecting your own goals like reading that novel; writing your own novel; working out; going back to school; getting your hair done; running a marathon or climbing Mt. Everest. Big or small, they’re your goals and important to you. Even if it is as simple as going out for coffee with a friend without the children along for the ride; it is essential that you take some time for yourself to do the things that may be important only to you.

It helps to take the edge off and helps you to go back to being the ‘Super Mom’ that your family needs you to be.

Well, that and a glass (maybe a bottle) of wine.

I’m just sayin…

Joya is a married mother of 2. Aside from her family, her passions are writing and shopping. She blogs about motherhood at http://supermomdoesntlivehere.wordpress.com.  She has also just started a gift basket business called LIFE HAPPENS GIFT BAGS & BASKETS; where her goal is to help people celebrate even the smallest occasions. You can check out her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/lifehappensbagsbaskets .

This Mama's Back In School

Hi Mamas.  I really have to do a better job updating this blog.  Mamalicious Mamas is still going strong, but with being back to work and family time it is sometimes difficult to maintain that ooomph.  I have some great Mamas assisting me, but my communication skills have been lacking a bit.   (Sorry Mama Jen and Melanie).

Enough beating myself up.  This blog also discusses the "behind the scenes"... so let's go there for a bit.

Announcement! I am working on obtaining my Social Media Certificate!  (Yea Me!).

I am using this post for my first assignment: The Digital Book Report.

We are required to choose a social media book of our choice for this course.  I have chosen Social Media Mastery by Tara Ross PHD.   This reading offers "75 daily challenges to help your reach, build your platform and establish your online authority".

Here is my book review via video where I share information about book and the value I have gained from reading it and the challenges offered.   And by the way, it is my first video EVER.  Pardon my nervousness.... But I feel good about the end result.

Here is my tag cloud that I created on www.wordle.net. These words refer to what I learned and the value gained.

You can catch some of the quotes that stood out for me in the book on twitter. You can find them using #GB2014

So Mamas... Are any of you currently going to school or upgrading your skills? What are you taking?

I'm Not Perfect...I'm a Mom!

I had no idea what type of mom I would be, but I did assume that patience would be one of my strongest assets since I’ve always been a fairly patient, low-key person.

Ha!

Becoming a mother not only exposed me to the most powerful and enduring love I will ever experience in my lifetime…but it also made me feel inadequate, inexperienced, insecure and at times, like a total nut job!!!

Seriously!

How the heck was I going to do this mom thing? Which hospital staff in their right mind would send a baby home with me? I had absolutely no idea what I was doing!

I felt completely alone and at a loss sometimes. Even though I had so much love and support around me; I felt as if I should know everything and be able to do everything on my own…and do it well.

But no matter how much of a ‘super mom’ you are or strive to be (and I just happened to leave my super hero cape at the cleaners…), you are not perfect and you will make mistakes. Here’s the crazy part…

It’s okay!

You don’t have to be perfect!

So, you might burn the dinner one night because you were busy tending to a ‘boo-boo’ or trying to stop your kids from strangling each other. Just call it a BBQ and enjoy.

You might forget that today is PYJAMA DAY at the daycare and have to spend the next 10 minutes consoling a very distraught toddler while still trying to make it to work before lunchtime! You were on time yesterday…almost!

You could be sewing a costume at 11pm because you forgot that your child’s first play is tomorrow!!! Sleep is overrated anyway.

There may even come a time when you break down into a sobbing mass of frustration at the tantrum your preschooler just had in the middle of the grocery store…sigh.

Let’s face it…you may have more than one of those break downs. But Mommy’s have tantrums too, you know. (Please tell me that’s not just me?!)

Between caring for our kids, our partners and possibly our parents; we will get some things wrong. We’ll get tired, fed up, frustrated and grumpy. Did I mention emotional?

That’s called Motherhood!

I am learning that my kids accept me with all of my imperfections. I've learned to acknowledge my mistakes. Mind you, my girls are kind enough to point them out to me.

Over and over and over….

There’s nothing like a 3 year old telling you that you have a ‘really, really bad memory’ or your 7 year old that rolls her eyes because you can’t remember where you left your keys.

But I do remember to tend to the scrapes and bruises; hug away the tears and nightmares; soothe hurt feelings and celebrate all of their accomplishments and at the end of the day, when my kids are happy to see me; when I get hugs and kisses and ‘I love you Mommy’, I know that I’m doing something right.

So when you’re having a rough day and things may not be going well; stop trying to be perfect and give yourself a break.

You’re better than perfect…YOU’RE A MOM.

Wordless Wednesday

Love this pic of Missy Miu during our Jamaican vacation. 

Joya... Our New Blog Contributor

I am super excited to add Joya to our Mamalicious Blog Team.  Here is her bio:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am the mother of 2 gorgeous, smart and rambunctious girls. One soon to be 7 year old that is more like a teenager than you could imagine. In other words…Drama! But so affectionate too. Then there is my 3 ½ year old who is the baby, the princess, the comedian and the trickster…and that’s all in one day!

I’m a working mom still searching for the manual on motherhood (can I borrow someone’s copy?). Each day is a test, challenge or triumph on how to keep it all together and still be ‘mamalicious’ (Ha! Like how I worked that in there?).

I am also a writer and a blogger.

 You can visit my blog at http://supermomdoesntlivehere.wordpress.com. Feel free to drop by and leave a comment!

My blog is where I am able to share all the anecdotes of my life as the very imperfect mom of two perfectly awesome (did I say rambunctious already?) kids!

But if that’s not enough on my plate, I’m also starting a new business called “Life Happens Gift Bags and Baskets” (website coming soon!).

“Am I crazy?” you might ask…

Of course I am! Isn’t being a bit crazy a prerequisite for motherhood?

Wait…is that just me?

Maybe One Is Enough

Recently Cee and I came to a difficult decision.  To stop at one child.

Why would I consider this a difficult choice?  Well, because society tells us otherwise. Apparently:

-Missy Miu HAS to have a sibling or two.   She'll be lonely...
...  She attends daycare everyday with 9 other classmates Monday to Friday.  When I pick her up after work her I observe her from afar before I let her know I've arrived.   I see her colouring at a table with the other children or I watch her acting out songs with her teachers.   When she does find out I have arrived I get the biggest hug and sloppiest of kisses and she shows off her use of toys in the room.

Now that the weather is nicer, I park the car in the driveway after the pick up and Missy Miu and I walk on the sidewalk to catch Dad driving by. He joins us, we maneuver the cracks on the sidewalks and catch up on the day.

Nope... not too lonely at all.

-She needs family when we "move on"
Hmmm... hope I don't offend any family members who may be reading this.  I have four siblings and let's just say we are not beating down each other's door as often as we "should".  So I think I will focus on fulfilling her life NOW and teach her the value of friendship so she can learn to build lasting relationships.

-One is an adjustment, two is a piece of cake
Yeah... maybe... but sometimes it's a huge adjustment when you are near middle age and you are struggling to prepare for retirement, pay off that mortgage and build your little one's RESPs.

Honestly I would like for us to be able to be fiscally responsible and comfortably provide for her.  It is my worst nightmare to have issues doing so.  And to work past 65 because I have to and not because I want to?  ( insert  picture of me gasping for air here...)

Before I hit submit on this post I feel I should be honest... It took 3 weeks to decide to publish my thoughts on more children.  Today I think I would like another, and I wonder how, when, if I should even present this to my hubby.   Next week I may feel differently again.  But I thought it was important to say... It's ultimately up to you.